Phaneron

Tree House of Horror IX - S10-E4

Ed McMahon: From the producers of "When Skirts Fall Off" and "Secrets of National Security Revealed," it's "World's Deadliest Executions."

Phaneron ★

Night of the Sentinels: Part 1 - S1-E1

Clerk: You must like to play cards.
Gambit: I like solitaire okay, 'less I got someone to play with.

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A Rogue's Tale - S2-E9

Blob: It's Miss Marvel!
Ms. Marvel: That's "Ms. Marvel" to you, round boy.

Phaneron ★

The Old Man and the Key - S13-E13

Homer: Here we are: Branson, Missouri.
Male Charles Bronson Lookalike: No, pally. This is Bronson, Missouri.
Lisa: Well how do we get to Branson?
Female Charles Bronson Lookalike: Number 10 bus.
Child Charles Bronson Lookalike: Hey Ma, how 'bout some cookies?
Female Charles Bronson Lookalike: No dice.
Child Charles Bronson Lookalike: This ain't over.

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Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis: Austin Powers.
Scott: What, are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: No Scott, I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an over-elaborate and exotic death.
Scott: Why don't you just shoot him now? I mean, I'll go get a gun. We'll shoot him together. It'll be fun. Bang. Dead. Done.
Dr. Evil: One more peep out of you and you are grounded, mister, and I am not joking.

Phaneron ★

Rosebud - S5-E4

Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are gonna go far. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones.
Mr. Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
Johnny Ramone: Hey, up yours Springfield!
[The Ramones perform "Happy Birthday To You" for Mr. Burns.]
CJ Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard!
Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't...
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

Phaneron ★

Hungry Hungry Homer - S12-E15

Homer: Who are you?
The Spirit of Cesar Chavez: The spirit of Cesar Chavez.
Homer: Why do you look like Cesar Romero?
The Spirit of Cesar Chavez: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like.

Phaneron ★

Grade School Confidential - S8-E19

Principal Skinner: The bake sale to raise money for the car wash has been canceled, due to confusion.

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The Mansion Family - S11-E12

Homer: See that ship over there? They're rebroadcasting Major League Baseball with implied oral consent, not expressed written consent.

Phaneron ★

A Star is Burns - S6-E18

Jay Sherman: Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in "Death Wish 9."
Charles Bronson: [Bedridden in a hospital.] I wish I was dead.

Phaneron ★

Neighbours - S8-E20

Tim: Al, why don't you tell us your favorite part of gardening?
Al: Well, I'd have to say it's getting down and dirty with my hoe.

Phaneron ★

Brains and Eggs - S1-E1

Mary: For future reference, I have a red Volvo.
Dick: Please, Dr. Albright, we barely know each other.

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You Only Move Twice - S8-E2

Hank Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentleman. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold, or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this. [Presses the button on a remote control, causing a bridge to collapse.]
U.N. Official #1: Oh my God, the 59th Street bridge.
U.N. Official #2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
U.N. Official #1: We can't take that chance.
U.N. Official #2: You always say that. I want to take a chance.

Phaneron ★

Homer vs. Patty and Selma - S6-E17

Chief Wiggum: Evening, Simpson. You got a short in your taillight, started blinking when you made that turn.

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Marge vs. the Monorail - S4-E12

Mayor Quimby: Alright, I'm in charge here.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, run along Quimby. I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere.
Mayor Quimby: Watch it, you talking tub of donut batter.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you Quimby.
Mayor Quimby: You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass.

Phaneron ★

Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays - S15-E8

[Bart and Lisa are fighting over the television remote and land on an episode of "King of the Hill"].
Hank Hill: Bobby, I got propane in my urethra.

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The Dealership - S9-E11

Elaine: You're a salesman now. The high-five is, it's very grease-monkey.
Puddy: What did I tell you about that?
Elaine: I'm sorry, but the high-five is just so stupid.
Puddy: Oh yeah? I'll tell you what's stupid: you, stupid.
Elaine: Oh that is really mature.
Puddy: Yeah? So are you. You're the grease-monkey.
Elaine: That doesn't make any sense.

Phaneron ★

The Dealership - S9-E11

George: I'd like to report a problem with one of your mechanics.
Dealership Manager: When did you bring your car in?
George: Yeah right, I'm gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Why don't I just flush my money down the toilet?
Dealership Manager: Sir, what exactly is the problem?
George: One of your guys, Kip or Ned, short name, stole my Twix candy bar.
Dealership Manager: Are you saying he grabbed your candy bar away from you?
George: He might as well have. I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
Dealership Manager: I thought you said it was a Twix.
George: Oh it was, but he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
Dealership Manager: Maybe it was.
George: Oh no, Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
Dealership Manager: What about the Hundred Thousand Dollar bar?
George: Nope, rice and caramel.
Dealership Manager: Nougat?
George: No.
Dealership Manager: Positive?
George: Please.
Employee: You know they changed the name from Hundred Thousand Dollar bar to 100 Grand?
George: All I want is my 75 cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired.
Dealership Manager's Father: I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.
Male Customer: What's the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
George: They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial.
Dealership Manager's Father: Not Skittles.
Dealership Manager: Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don't talk.
Female Customer: You make your father sit here all day?
Dealership Manager: He likes it.
George: Alright, do you mind? I have the window. Now what are you gonna do about my Twix?
Male Customer: Twix has too much coconut.
George: No, there's no coconut!
Employee: I'm allergic to coconut.
Dealership Manager: I'm not.
Dealership Manager's Father: A nickel.

Phaneron ★

The Dealership - S9-E11

George: Excuse me. I believe you just ate my Twix bar. It was dangling, and when you purchased your Twix bar, you got a little freebie. And you never bothered to ask why, or seek out its rightful owner.
Mechanic: First of all, it wasn't a Twix. It was a 5th Avenue bar.
George: You must think I'm pretty stupid. That was no 5th Avenue bar. I can see the crumb right there in the corner of your lip. Now that is a cookie, and we all know that Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch.
Mechanic: It's a little nougat.
George: Nougat? Please. I think I've reached a point in my life where I can tell the difference between nougat and cookie. So let's not just say things that we both know are obvious fabrications.

Phaneron ★

A Star is Burns - S6-E18

Smithers: Sir, the actors are here to audition for the part of you.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Hannibal Lecter: Excellent. [Snarls].
Mr. Burns: Next.
William Shatner: Ex. Cell. Ent.
Mr. Burns: Next.
Homer: Exactly. Heh heh. D'oh!
Mr. Burns: Next.
Bumblebee Man: ¡Excelente!
Señor Spielbergo: Es muy bueno.
Mr. Burns: Oh, it's hopeless. I'll have to play myself.

Phaneron ★